Dear Readers,
In February of 2011, my world was rocked forever by an unexpected diagnosis. Now I know it was only the tip of the iceberg, and 7 years later I want to honor this anniversary with a rarely-told story of how my business, Hatch Health and Happiness came to be. Included below is an excerpt from this month's newsletter, which can also be read here.
May you never stop looking for your passion, my friends.
Lydia
In
February, we are surrounded by images of passion and thoughts of love – bright
red hearts, cupid balloons and chocolate roses are practically overflowing out
of every aisle at the grocery store. But the truth is, passion can come in many
forms, and in this month’s special edition of the Hatch Health and Happiness
newsletter, we are talking about the power of pursuing your passion. In sticking
with this theme, I’ve decided to walk you into a more personal and vulnerable
chapter of my world that I have rarely spoken about, and how it fueled my personal
passion for helping others to heal.
In 2011, I
was diagnosed with gastroparesis (among many other things). I was handed a
single-sided, over-photocopied piece of paper telling me to eat exclusively
chicken broth, Ensure, Carnation Instant Breakfast, and mashed potatoes. That’s
it. I remember sitting in the car after the appointment and just staring at
this piece of paper that had come from a very reputable doctor whom I respect
very much. This is going to be my life? Forever?
It’s hard
to believe now, but I did what so many do, and what I am guessing many of my
readers can relate to – as ridiculous as it seemed, I followed the doctor’s
orders. When you are so sick and desperate to get better, you’ll do or try nearly
anything – even when it seems preposterous – because maybe, just maybe, it will
work.
So I did.
I followed that “diet” with the addition of egg whites and white bread, and
shocker, lost 32 pounds in 6 months and was diagnosed as “failure to thrive.”
Mere months after receiving that piece of paper, I was lying in a hospital bed
following complications from feeding tube surgery. I was blue, freezing, and the
new owner of a frontal tail at age 27.
I began
the painstaking process of trying to gain weight while eating next to nothing
and pumping my body full of cans of grossly processed formula that it rejected
with alarming speed. I was supposed to try and eat more, but everything made me
sick and nothing at all felt “safe.” Food became a huge source of fear – a
stress that only further slowed down my very delayed stomach. I was putting on
my pants with safety pins to try to keep them from falling down and was so weak
and tired that it was hard to walk up the stairs.
And yet,
despite it all, I vividly remember the first time it happened. I was walking
down the hall of my school and a parent of a former student greeted me and
exclaimed, “WOW! You look fabulous! You should have done this years ago!”
Obviously,
she had no idea why I had lost the weight.
Obviously,
she NEVER meant to hurt me.
But I was
floored. My coworker and I glanced at each other with uneasy smiles.
And the words
stuck.
Was this
purple-hued, frontal-tailed body what makes me look “fabulous?”
I knew
that I was dangerously underweight. I knew that I was never overweight in the
first place. I now knew that “failure to thrive” wasn’t just reserved for
babies. But I’m also human. And I had to work hard to swallow that comment down
and keep pumping myself with formula, and forcing down food, day in and day
out.
And it
happened again. And again. And again.
One person
went so far as to say that she wished she had gastroparesis so she could lose
the weight, too.
I crawled my
way back to a healthy weight with daily weigh-ins, food recording, and more
feeding tube complications than I can begin to describe (hello exploding
feeding tube in the Minnesota airport bathroom…), all the while fighting the
demons of the complete loss of my self-confidence and body image. All the while
trying to convince myself that food was not “bad” – both for my mind and my
body. All the while relearning how and what to eat to maintain my health.
Years
later, when I met with a new doctor who was thoroughly flabbergasted by my
case, she proclaimed “Well, I guess my best recommendation is to lose 20-30
pounds, so when your muscles continue to weaken you have less to carry around.”
Yep.
Knowing my
full medical history, she asked me to lose all of the weight I had worked so
hard to gain. And just like that, I was back in the trenches fighting the
demons that may always be a part of my story.
I, like
many people with allergies, autoimmune disease, and digestive disorders, follow
a very regimented diet. In a nutshell, I am a gluten/dairy/soy/legume/mostly
grain-free low-residue pescatarian (say THAT five times fast). I follow this
plan because it is the lifestyle that I have learned through YEARS of trial and
error works best for my body. It isn’t easy to go out to eat and I may never
have the luxury of picking up a bite when I’m too tired to cook. I may always
be the girl with a lunchbox at bridal showers and birthday parties. I still
challenge myself to re-try things every once in a while, to both test the
waters and to remind myself that food is meant for nourishment, not harm, and
that no matter how sick it makes me feel, that feeling will fade eventually –
it’s not forever. I don’t try things because I have to, I try things because I
GET to – the choice to heal on my own terms has been, and always will be, mine
and mine alone.
My clients
will tell you that I adamantly refuse to label something as “good” or “bad”
(much to their disappointment). If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard, “Is
this food good or bad?” I’d be a very wealthy woman. Categorizing something
that has the potential to nourish our bodies and minds as good or bad is
detrimental to our psyche, and it fills us with hugely unnecessary guilt and
shame. Even in the case of an allergy or Celiac disease, the offending food
isn’t good or bad – it’s just not right for you. What makes one client feel
full of light and energy can make another one feel sluggish and terrible – diet
and lifestyle are hugely bio-individual.
This is
why I do what I do. This is why I’m passionate that my clients learn that food
is a good and wonderful thing that we NEED to nourish our bodies and our minds.
This is why I’m passionate in teaching my clients with alternative diets about new
and exciting ways to not just eat, but to ENJOY food again. I have to remind
myself every day that food is not something to fight. I have to remind myself
every day that the weight I worked SO hard to put on is not a sign of weakness
or failure, but rather a sign of strength. When people no longer compliment me
on how I look, I have to remember that it’s because I look healthy – normal
even. Like all chronic conditions, my gastroparesis symptoms are infinitely
less severe when I do everything I can to manage my stress – and that means
facing my demons head-on every day. I cannot run and hide if I want to live a
life where I thrive – and help others to do the same. I am passionate, because
I have walked this road every step of the way myself, and seen firsthand the
damage that an extremely restricted diet can cause. I will walk that road the
rest of my life and hope to always passionately help others walk their own
road.
See you on the trail, friends.
