My dear Rochester

Dear Rochester, Minnesota,
I know you have been preparing for weeks for my arrival. I am a very grounded celebrity and therefore I only have a few very simple requests. First, I'd like to congratulate you on your excellent planning! I am aware that his Holiness, the Dalai Lama, is at Mayo today. What smart planning to schedule him the day before me as a practice run! Anyway, I'd like a brigade of ponies and attractive men to escort me from the airport to the clinic and small adorable children should shower me with gummy bears. Please tell all of the designers who are chomping at the bit for me to choose the new "it" feeding tube backpack, that I will meet with them briefly before my first procedure on Thursday. Thank you ever so much for attending to my very simple requests. I look forward to seeing you tomorrow.

Oh, and please don't forget to have non-fat frozen yogurt raining from the sky.

Smooches!
Lydia