Well friends, I should have seen it coming. This whole time I hadn't said a thing about a departure date and as soon as I did...I jinxed it! This morning I got a phone call from GI asking me to stop by for a new schedule. Now mind you, I shook hands with my GI doc last Thursday after a great appointment, there were smiles, "nice to meet you"s, "best of luck", yadda yadda yadda. So a new schedule only meant one thing...more tests. Sure enough, my GI had done some more thinking, spoke with some motility specialists and wants to investigate my small intestine further. My first question, of course, was whether or not I still don't have gastroparesis...which I'm sure my GI could have answered if he wasn't soaking up some rays at a conference in Hawaii.
For the record, he is my third doctor to "go to a conference in Hawaii" in the last two weeks. I'm thinking that is code for "Mayo Clinic party in the sun!" Seeing as I pretty much work here, I think I should have been invited! Harsh. Although I do appreciate that he is lying in the sand, enjoying a tropical drink...and thinking about my small intestine. What could be better?
Anyway, I'm glad my doctor wants to be extra thorough, I just wish it didn't mean that I'd have to stay longer. In case I wasn't accessorized, radioactive and extra-special enough, I'm going to be swallowing a robot for this test. It's a brand new procedure created by the Mayo Clinic themselves. Yes, a robot. Just call me Bionic Girl.
Speaking of accessories, I was headline news in the bling department this afternoon. My doctors ordered a stress test with oxygen consumption which turned out to be code for bionic runt elephant on a treadmill. First they strapped 8 electrodes to my body, all with wires attached. Next I wore a belt around my hips with additional wires. They strapped a pulse monitor headband to my forehead and as the icing on the cake, strapped an oxygen mask over my face, with a giant elephant trunk tube sticking out front and connecting to a machine. I looked HOT. In fact, I'm a little bummed out that I missed the opportunity to wear this outfit to prom. I'm sure many of you won't be surprised to know that secretly I was excited about this test because I thought I'd get to run (something that has been on the "don't you dare!" list since I lost 30 pounds). Alas, alack, it was incredibly hard to breathe as an elephant and because my BP was 80/55, they only let me walk really fast on a really tall incline. I tried to tell them that if I'm going to walk up a really tall incline, it had better be on the side of a mountain but they didn't start packing their equipment to head to the Shenandoah Valley. They are really missing out.
On the plus side, the frozen yogurt stand has non-fat cherry now and I've been here so long that my hotel rate went down for the 3rd time. Simple pleasures, right?
Keep up that wonderful humor of yours! My family and I are thinking about you a lot.
ReplyDeleteYou should see if they will let you take home that oxygen mask thing! I have to wear one for my sleep apnea. Let's just say Liz can't keep her hands off of me when I've got it on. I'm sure Dave would find it equally attractive! Thanks for letting us into your world Lydia. I don't think there has been a day gone by that Liz, Jack, and I haven't been thinking about you since this whole thing started. Keep up the good work!
ReplyDelete-Rob