Roll out the red carpet!

Well friends, my fame grew even greater today. No, I did not turn a new color or confuse any new doctors, but I did become a part of legit medical history! The Mayo Clinic has been working on developing a new SmartPill test for GI motility and today, I was the very first person EVER to try it out. Literally, I drew a crowd. No big deal.

Some of you may have heard of a capsule study that involves swallowing an itty-bitty camera and looking at the beautiful images once you pass the pill. This new SmartPill measures the pH, pressure and temperature changes of your GI system as the capsule goes through your body and in doing so, they are able to pinpoint the exact location of an issue and what changes are occurring internally at the time. Pretty genius, huh? The signals are recorded on a pager that looks like a Zack Morris flip phone from the 80's...try to contain your jealousy.

The first thing I had to do was eat a SmartBar...so of course I asked if my IQ was going to rise...still waiting for an answer. I was pretty excited because the bar looked like a deflated and mangled power bar, but actually tasted pretty good! The next task was harder...swallowing a robot the size of a thick bullet (and when I say robot, I'm literally not kidding. You could even see the microchip). Those of you who have known me for awhile know that I spent most of my high school years learning to swallow a pill...but nothing could have prepared me for the big kahuna of today. A couple of gags and horrified looks from my growing crowd later, the robot had headed South and begun his journey through the vast expanse of my hot mess self. My crowd clapped, I gave a few dazzling grins with princess waves and that was it! So in a nutshell, I'm basically a genius now.

This afternoon I met with Behavioral Medicine. This is the first step towards recovery, so I've been anxiously awaiting the start...let's rip this band aid off and get crackin! If by "get crackin" I meant, "let's chat about some options that we will use if the following 10 doctors sign off on it" then we are on the same page now. Fiiiiine. I'll be patient.

In actuality, the appointment went really well. I met with a doctor and nurse combo from 1:00-4:00 and they went over everything. My brain boot camp will include a cocktail of drugs to decrease the severity of the reactions in my brain, in addition to some overall rehabilitation of my system-i.e. physical therapy for my veins, painfully slow introduction of foods, etc. Imagine if you were speeding out of control down the highway and then tried to suddenly throw the car in reverse...it wouldn't go so well. First you have to slow the car down and then you can slowly start to reverse. Phase 1 will be slowing down the reactions in my brain (don't worry, this won't diminish the vast increase in intellect that I added today). Our bodies are amazing places and when we are healthy, our systems work together seamlessly. In my case, my systems don't really work so well together right now and they need a bit of mediation. My brain, in this case, is the mischief maker. For example, when you stand up too quickly and your heart races, eventually your brain signals your body to slow down your heart rate. For me, my brain takes every opportunity to be an amplifier and riles things up, instead of settling things down. My radio volume is on too loud and the radio is playing a song, without even receiving a signal (although, I do appreciate my body's desire to sing).

Phase 1 is going to take a long time. I'm not talking days, or really even months. This is most likely in the year+ category, because my hypersensitivity extends to pharmaceuticals as well (this weekend I learned that Viagra and I will not be wearing any BFF necklaces). It is going to take a long time to find a type and dosage of drugs that I'm a) not allergic to, b) don't pick up any bizarre side effects to and c) is actually effective. Details, details.
In the mean time, my intellect and fame are growing exponentially...the way I figure, soon enough I'll be so ridiculously smart and famous that I can retrain my brain all on my own. Pack the trail mix, this hike is totally in the bag.