Famous purple celebrities: Barney, The Purple People Eater, Telly Monster the Muppet...and me

Today started off with a trip to the lab. As many of you know, blood is not my forte. It's not that I am squeamish, but rather that my blood tends to stage a protest when asked to leave home. I try to warn any nurse who tries to stick me, but every single one is under the impression that he/she will be THE nurse to crack the code of my veins. Let me take a moment to say that the lab at Mayo is quite a spectacle. At 7:00 this morning, I was in a line of about 50 people, all eager to give up their blood in the name of a waffle and a latte waiting on the other side (or in my case, some dry rice chex. mmmmm.). The nurses come out with a plastic container holding your already labeled vials and call your name over the intercom. Most nurses came out with a container holding 2-4 vials. So I hear my name and notice that my nurse is holding not one, but two plastic containers of 12 vials. Stupendous. I give my spiel...the nurse ignores me...and acts genuinely shocked when mid-blood draw, my left arm decides to be closed for business. Thank goodness that my body is so thoughtful. I'm working on my potential celebrity image and I look MUCH more hard core with not one, but two arms wrapped in gauze.

Next I headed up to rheumatology where I met with another wonderful doctor. She carefully went through my case, listened to every detail and allowed me to ask as many questions as I wanted. The great news is that she is not at all convinced that I have Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease. It will all depend on my blood work and what the GI department determines to be to the root of my Michelin 5 star diet. I do have Raynauds Disease (which is often present in connective tissue diseases), hyper mobility and a family tree that is one big auto-immune fiesta...but those may just be separate Lydia-isms. That being said, in her words, I have "a heck of a case of Raynauds." Just to bring you all up to speed, Raynauds is a disease where the smaller arteries in your body (hands, feet, nose, ears, etc.) spasm and limit the blood supply to that area. It can be 95 degrees out, I'm sweating my brains out and yet my hands feel like I just did the polar bear plunge.

Several years ago, when I was teaching kindergarten, a student drew a picture of me and wanted me to hang it on my desk. I offered my deepest praise and thanked her for the lovely rendering of my sleep-deprived, still-haven't-really-mastered-the-teaching-wardrobe self, but I was still a bit perplexed. Knowing that kindergartners are the source of all things un-sugar coated and truthful, I asked the child why she had drawn me with a purple crayon. The student looked at me like I had 8 heads and said, "because you're purple." Oh. Duh.

So my rheumatologist told me that she would like to further investigate how to treat my symptoms for Raynauds. I've already tried several options (shocker, they all caused ridiculous side effects). I think it is best if I don't paraphrase, but allow my dear blog followers to join me in the exact conversation.

Doctor: "Lydia, I'm going to write you a prescription for Viagra."

Me: "I'm sorry, I must have heard you wrong?"

Doctor: "Actually, I think I'll write it for Cialis, because the delayed release drug will last longer."

[oh thank goodness. that clearly explains everything???]

Turns out that Viagra/Cialis dilates your blood vessels...which I guess I could have figured out if my brain hadn't gone completely blank, with the exception of the words: erectile dysfunction. So, my friends, as I embark on my journey to fame and celebrity status, I ask you to keep an eye out for my Cialis commercial, coming soon to a television near you. Remember, if you have feeling in your hands and feet lasting more than 4 hours, please seek medical attention.