I'm sweating...on the inside

Today was day four of rehab, and it was family day! My Valentine and I, who arrived late last night, spent the day together in different programs all about chronic illness and the effects on family and friends. All in all, it was a great program and we will go back for the second half tomorrow.

In other news, we've had a huge change of plans on my personal rehabilitation schedule. Originally, I was going to start a terrifying cocktail of drugs to calm down my hypersensitive nerves and then gradually reteach myself to eat. Now, the plan is the same...but minus the chemical help. Visceral hypersensitivity applies to drug/body interactions as well, and therefore all the drugs would accomplish is completely tranquilizing me and loading me up with terrible side effects. No thank you.

The good news is that I don't have to take the drugs...the bad news is that I don't get any help.

In a nutshell, re-teaching my brain is going to hurt...and there is no way around it. My body is going to continue to reject anything and everything, but I am learning some concepts to minimize how the pain/symptoms affects other parts of my body. Today I did a biofeedback session while eating a few pieces of a nutri-grain bar. My stomach was on fire, but after a few tries I was able to get the electricity in my body to slow down tremendously. I'm still going to feel sick as I learn to eat again, but I am learning to control the nerve impulses, which dampens the severity a bit. It's basically boot camp for my brain. I'm sweating my face off...but on the inside...and without any amount of spandex.

I made a plan with the dietician and I'll be re-training my brain verrrrrrry gradually. Basically, I'm a giant infant...but I'm already potty-trained and can dress myself. On Monday I'll try a few tiny pieces of a peeled apple. Then a few days later, I'll eat a few bigger pieces of a peeled apple. Then I'll eat a few pieces of peeled apple with a tiny bit of apple with skin...and so on, and so forth. It's basically exposure therapy for my insides. Unfortunately I do have to get my salivary gland removed on Tuesday (start thinking of the pirate stories my friends) so that will put a bit of a bump in the plans, but cest la vie.

So there you have it. Operation "Mark my words, I WILL eat again" is underway. Let's rock and roll!