We are going to need a much bigger bubble...

On Friday I had my follow-up appointment with the allergist and I got to take the hubby on a tour of the Mayo Clinic. He was amazed by the facility-especially how it works like a well oiled machine AND has a Dairy Queen on the subway level. A blizzard a day totally keeps the doctor away.

In any event, the allergy appointment was a total shocker. The extensive allergy testing the doctor had done for common allergens ALL came back negative...what? Most of you know that I am an allergy machine. Despite the fact that most outdoor allergens are dead in the winter and I don't currently have any pets (although I'm working on a dog...not making much progress with the hubs), I have always needed allergy medicine and eye drops year round. This has baffled my allergists for years. My eyes turn red and itchy both indoors and outdoors, and every season of the year. I am a professional sneezer and you will absolutely never find me without at least two tissues in my pocket. I also get sinus infections like it's my job. Well, friends, after 28 years, I finally know the reason. I, hot mess celebrity-status Mayo clinic patient extraordinaire, am allergic to air.

Yes, you read that correctly. Air. Like the kind that you breathe and is everywhere.

So it turns out that modern medicine has made extensive advances in identifying thousands of different allergens, but there are still many that have yet to be properly identified. My doctor has had a few patients who are allergic to diesel or to pollution, but the fact that my allergy appears both indoors and outdoors, and both in the city and the country, leads him to believe that I don't fit into that category. Duh. I form my own category doc, Mayo really should know this by now.

So, seeing as I'm already rather predisposed towards clumsiness and general awkwardness, placing my 6 foot self in a bubble doesn't seem like the best lifestyle move. So where does that leave me? Oh ya know, the usual. Placing a baby bottle nipple on the end of an anti-inflammatory inhaler and squirting it up my nose.

Totally. Normal.

In fact, it's so normal that the pharmacist had to call my doctor twice, just to confirm that she had, in fact, read the order correctly. She so politely shared with me, "I've never seen a prescription like this before!"

Puhlease. Of course you haven't. It's for celebs only.